Denny's Taken Private: Is This the End, or Just Another Corporate Shell Game?
Denny's Descent: From Grand Slams to Food Fights—What the Hell Happened?
The Steak-Throwing Apocalypse
So, I saw this headline about some culinary terrorists chucking steak at Denny's employees. Steak! At 4:15 a.m.! Let's be real, that's not just a bad review; that's a cry for help. Or maybe just a really, really bad case of the munchies gone wrong. I mean, who gets that mad about an Uber Eats order? I've had missing fries that stung less.
But it got me thinking… Denny's. What is going on with Denny's? It feels like just yesterday they were slinging Grand Slams and keeping the lights on for the graveyard shift. Now? Food fights and getting bought out by private equity vultures? What a world.
And it ain't just the steak-throwing incident in Highland Heights, Ohio. The police blotter is a goldmine of depressing anecdotes. Angry customers throw steak and other food at Denny’s employees: Highland Heights Police Blotter Harassment, marijuana cigarettes, juvenile delinquents threatening to rumble at Sky Zone… it's like a casting call for the end of days. Seriously, is this what happens when late-stage capitalism hits the breakfast buffet?
The Private Equity Plunge
Then there's the news that Denny's is going private. Denny’s is being taken private Sold off to TriArtisan Capital Advisors and Yadav Enterprises for $322 million. Which, let's be honest, sounds like a lot of money until you realize that's probably less than what some tech bros spend on avocado toast in a year.
The official line is that this "maximizes value" for shareholders. Right. That's what they always say before gutting a company and selling off the pieces. CEO Kelli Valade claims it's the "best path forward." But for whom? The shareholders cashing out, sure. The employees facing potential layoffs? I ain't so sure.
They're blaming the pandemic, ofcourse. And the fact that they couldn't keep their 24/7 promise. But let’s be honest, that's a load of bull. IHOP is still kicking, ain't it? And so are plenty of other breakfast joints. So, what's the real difference? Is it the dennys menu? Are dennys locations just not cutting it?
Maybe Denny's just lost its soul somewhere along the way. It got too corporate, too bland, too… predictable.
And 180 closures in two years? That's not a turnaround plan; that's triage. And the fact that sales at existing locations are down? Ouch. Someone get the defibrillator, stat!
Pizza Hut's Pain and the All-You-Can-Eat Apocalypse
Speaking of struggling chains, Pizza Hut is also on the chopping block. Yum! Brands is considering selling them off because they can't compete with Domino's and Papa John's. What is it about the restaurant industry right now? Everyone's either thriving or desperately trying to stay afloat. There's no in-between.
Is it just me, or does it feel like the whole all-you-can-eat, late-night diner concept is dying a slow, painful death? Are people just too busy, too broke, or too health-conscious to indulge in a Grand Slam at 3 a.m. anymore? I don't know... maybe I'm just getting old.